When Gratitude Feels Heavy: A Thanksgiving Reflection

Happy Thanksgiving. I’ll admit that writing this year’s message was harder than usual. This season is typically filled with words like gratitude, abundance, and joy. Yet for many of us, the world feels uncertain. The economy is tight, loss is heavy, and every news alert seems to bring another reason to brace ourselves. It can feel like that line from The Wiz: “Don’t nobody bring me no bad news.”

In moments like this, being told to “just be grateful” can feel out of touch. When life is heavy, gratitude doesn’t always come easily. And honestly, it shouldn’t be forced.

Over the past few years, I’ve made it a point to stop pushing gratitude as a cure-all. Everyone’s reality is different. Some are struggling to cover basic needs. Some are navigating mental health challenges. Some are caring for relatives in medical crisis. And some are grieving the loss of someone they love. Telling those individuals to “just be thankful” can unintentionally dismiss their pain.

There is a better word for what many people are experiencing: lament.

Lament is the practice of acknowledging sadness, disappointment, and loss without minimizing them. It is the courage to say:
I feel sad because the world feels uncertain.
I feel hurt because I won’t see someone I love at the table this year.
I feel overwhelmed because this season asks for gratitude when my life feels complicated.

Lament isn’t about dwelling in negativity, and it isn’t hopeless. It is honest. And honesty is often the first step toward healing. In therapy, I tell clients that a feeling hurting today does not mean it will hurt forever. Lamenting gives us the space to tell the truth about what is difficult so we can also make room for what is still good.

Two things can be true at once. We can acknowledge sadness and still experience moments of joy. We can grieve and still feel gratitude for the people who care for us. We can be exhausted by the world and still appreciate the relationships, opportunities, and growth that sustain us.

This message is for anyone who doesn’t feel thankful right now. Anyone who is tired, uncertain, or hurting. I see you. Your pain matters. And I genuinely believe things can change.

And while I honor whatever you are carrying, I am also deeply grateful for you. Grateful that you’ve kept going. Grateful that you’ve chosen to continue. Grateful for every client, colleague, and supporter who believes in the mission of creating space for healing.

For those who are struggling this season, I offer this reminder: feelings shift, circumstances change, and it does not have to be like this forever.

I wish you the best, fellow traveler